Left in the Lurch

(This is the story I referenced in my last post - it's long, but crazy and worth the read).

So I believe I mentioned that when Phoebe got the stomach flu four weeks ago, all the other children and their  families at her daycare got sick. Everyone except the woman in her charge, whom I'll call D. (I've mentioned her many times, so I went back through all the posts and changed her name to D in order to keep this blog unsearchable, at least from her name). On Sunday, March 3, we received a call from her daughter, R, saying that D was really sick and would be closed the next day. Chris was sympathetic and got the cell phone from R to follow up.

On Monday, March 4, I called KinderCare to see if there was drop-in care available for Phoebe; however, due to staff shortages of their own, they didn't have any room for babies. Instead, I went to work in the morning to grab some work I could do from home. Chris and I took turns doing work while the other watched Phoebe. We assumed that if D had the stomach flu like we had, she'd be closed the following day as well. I called the Phoenix School, where Charlotte had gone before, and arranged to have Phoebe stay there on Tuesday. Meanwhile, I tried to call D's home number, but no one answered and it went to what sounded like a fax machine. I also tried calling her daughter's cell, but no answer. Later that night, I called D's house again, and a young woman answered. I asked if D was there and was told she was not. I then asked if she would be open on Tuesday, and the woman said, "No I'm sorry, she's still sick." (Looking back, isn't it weird that someone who's so sick she can't open her daycare is not home, but someone else is?)

So on Tuesday, March 5, I took Phoebe to the Phoenix School. It was kind of sweet actually because the infant and the toddler teachers remembered me and asked about Charlotte. However, the Phoenix School requires that babies under one be put in their cribs asleep. Phoebe cannot be rocked to sleep, especially at her age, so she didn't nap the entire day. That night, I tried calling D again and couldn't leave a message. Chris and I both left messages for R on her cell phone (D doesn't have a cell phone because hers was stolen a couple months ago). At this point, I was getting angry because by not getting a hold of D to find out about Wednesday, I couldn't make plans to find back-up care for Phoebe. I decided to call the only number I had for one of the other families, the Mcs. I spoke to Mrs. Mc. to see if she had been able to speak to D. She explained that no, she hadn't spoken to D, but that she would try her home phone again; Ms. Mc remarked that she thought this was strange. About an hour later, she called me to say that she was able to speak to R, who said that D was still "really sick" and that she'd be taking her to the doctor the next day and that she'd know about whether to reopen the daycare after that. Mrs. Mc. said that she wanted to tell R to tell D to call us, but didn't want to blame R. Meanwhile, I still hadn't heard from D or R directly, despite leaving messages.

The next day, Chris and I stayed at home again because Phoebe hadn't napped the previous day and was really tired. I think she took two three hour naps. I called D early that morning because as far as I was concerned I hadn't heard whether the daycare was open or not; not surprisingly, she didn't answer. Meanwhile, I started researching new potential day cares because this lack of communication was completely unprofessional - if I were sick and didn't notify my employer each and every day, I could be fired! Later that afternoon, Chris got a call on our home phone from R who said that D was still very sick and would be closed for the rest of the week. Chris told R that she would need to let us know as soon as possible if the daycare was still closed on Monday. I called the Phoenix School and arranged to have Phoebe there Thursday and Friday; I also set up a meeting with a potential daycare provider. Phoebe didn't nap on Thursday or Friday. (Also, D cashed our check for the month of March on March 6 - we pay in advance).

On Sunday, March 10, we received a call from a man named M. He identified himself as a "friend of the family." He told us that D was "still in San Diego" and that her father had suffered a massive heart attack. The daycare was going to be closed and he wasn't sure when it would reopen. I immediately called Mrs. Mc. to see what she had heard. While I was talking to her M called on the other line. When Mrs. Mc. called me back, she told me that M had told her that their personal belongings would be left by the front door. By this point, we were livid. We understand family emergencies, but the sheer lack of communication was just not right and didn't make sense - why wasn't D calling us herself? She'd been sick before and had had family emergencies, but she'd always been very clear about how long she'd be out. Plus, the fact that M said that D was "still in San Diego," when we never knew she had been in San Diego to begin with. I called the daycare lady we had met with on Friday and arranged to have her watch Phoebe for the week while we interviewed more day cares.

I decided to call licensing on D on Monday, March 11. In-home day cares in California are licensed and you can leave complaints. I was transferred to the caseworker and left a message for her to call me back as soon as possible. Later that day, I received an email from Mr. Mc. He had our email along with a few other families because he'd invited us to his sons' birthday parties in the past. Mr. Mc. sent a link to an Estate Sale at D's house that was posted on Sunday and would occur Friday, March 15 through Sunday. The link mentioned selling baby toys and furniture and said "everything must go." Mr. Mc. later found a link to a Craigslist ad that had photos attached - the photos were all taken in D's driveway and showed her kitchen table, play kitchens, slides, basically everything that had been in D's house. One of the pictures revealed several brightly colored signs advertising a garage sale. At this point, things got crazy. Chris added one of the dads who works at Intel, who added another dad who also works there. We had everyone on the email chain, except for a new family that was only there on Thursdays and Fridays. So, we knew now that she had no intention of ever reopening the daycare.

Mr. Mc later went by D's house, saw her car parked in the driveway, but no one answered the door when he knocked. He went to the next door neighbor's house, who told him that the estate sale had actually been the prior weekend, March 8 - March 10. The neighbor said D was there and did not appear "sick" at all. The neighbor asked D if the kids were there since it was a Friday, and she rudely told her that of course she had arranged to have the daycare closed. This means that two days after D cashed our checks for the entire month of March, she held a garage sale, selling pretty much everything we'd ever seen.

Chris confronted R via text about the estate sale and asked for a refund of our March check; this was met with quite the diatribe from R, who said she wouldn't let people "bully her mother." Um, no one is bullying anyone; she cashed checks for care she was clearly not planning to provide. Shockingly, the Craigslist ad was later pulled down; although I was able to find other ads of D's couch using a search of R's cell phone numbers.

Meanwhile, I determined who the owner of the house was and called her. I wanted to see if she'd received notice that D was leaving; she hadn't and, in fact, hadn't received her March rent check. However, she had received a call from the neighbor, who was concerned that D was leaving town. The owner instructed the property management company to contact D. When D didn't answer, the property manager went over and entered the house with his extra key. Apparently, a lady (probably R) came running out of a room saying: "You're not supposed to be here!" In any case, the property manager did confirm that the house was empty and full of boxes.

Mr. Mc did some searching and found a lot of information on D's other daughter A on the Sacramento County Courts System - she has quite the criminal record for a 25 year old, with offenses such as grand theft (pleaded down to petty), a violation of a restraining order, use of illegal drugs, breaking and entering, etc. D also showed that she'd been a defendant in Small Claims. A later search of nearby counties revealed D and R have been defendants in Small Claims Court; A has more criminal activity. Mr. Mc also told us (his sons have been going there since 2008) that sometime in 2010 (which was the year Charlotte started), D had to call the police on A and R because they had a fight at her house while the kids were there!

On Saturday, as I was driving around town getting things for Phoebe's party, I decided to go by D's house because originally there was supposed to be a garage sale this past weekend. I noticed a piece of paper plastered to the front door, so I hopped out of the car (Charlotte and Phoebe were in it), and saw the following: "Anyone with information on D the FRAUD, please call xxx." I snapped a picture with my phone and emailed it to the other families. Chris called the number and discovered it was the family who had their daughter there on Thursdays and Fridays. When I later spoke with Ms. R, she told me that not only had D left a voicemail on Thursday of the "sick week" with laughably fake coughing, she ran into D on Sunday 3/10 (the day she was apparently "still in San Diego) at the grocery store in the town just east of Folsom. Ms. R had no idea anything was amiss at this point, so she went up to D, who was pushing a cart FULL of empty boxes, and asked her how she was doing. D blamed being sick on Phoebe because she had had diarrhea. She then said that she had just found out her dad had a heart attack. Ms. R asked how long she'd be closed and D said, oh probably the rest of the month. When Ms. R asked when she'd be refunding our money, D said, "oh I'll call you about it next week." She also said: "Have you received a call from M yet?" (M being the "friend of the family" whom we later found out is D's brother-in-law). As you can see, this was clearly orchestrated by D or R and covered up by R.

Finally, on St. Patrick's Day, we had all the families over to sign a demand letter for Small Claims Court. It was then that many of my suspicions over the past two and a half years of care under D were confirmed. You see, my biggest concern was that D had way too many kids per her license. I'd addressed it with her before we brought Phoebe there because I was concerned about having a little baby there. She agreed to not take any more children, despite being over ratio, and would let the other ones like Charlotte and some of the older kids go on to preschool.

Anyway, one of the little boy's mom told me how she couldn't trust D and how she'd always lie. How she found fleas on her son's hair. This immediately brought back memories of Summer 2011. Charlotte had just turned two and her legs were covered in bites. They looked like flea bites (and Tandy is indoors and has never had fleas). When I asked D about them, she brushed it off and said that it must be from being outdoors. I also asked if any of the other kids had had bites and she said, no only Charlotte. Well, it turned out all the kids had had flea bites. She had fleas. In her house. I am perhaps most sickened by this revelation because we slathered anti-itch cream and bug repellent on our baby's legs for weeks. Apparently, it was the little boy's mom who finally told D that she needed to do something and so she cleaned the carpets, meanwhile never admitting that she had fleas!!!

All the parents also corroborated my suspicions that D had the TV on a lot. Charlotte would come home having learned the theme songs of TV shows she'd never seen at home. When I confronted D and asked her how much TV they watched, she said: "Oh, we don't watch TV. Maybe once a month." No, I'm sorry. Charlotte has a good memory, but it's not that good. The other parents said the same thing. Now I'm horrified to think that Charlotte probably watched TV a LOT, while I was paying her provider to, I don't know, teach her things.

All week I thought, well at least they were never harmed. But now I'm really questioning the care that Charlotte and Phoebe got. It's hard not to feel guilty considering D spent more time with my children during the week than I did.

Anyway, so after the parents signed the letters, only the G family was still at our house. Mr. G was showing us a ridiculous text exchange with R, who basically thinks that Chris ruined the daycare by "calling the landlord and all the other families." Right. As if D was going to reopen when she had already sold all her stuff. Then my phone range. It was Mr. and Mrs. R. They had driven by D's house and saw that there was a white BMW parked outside (her daughter R has a white BMW) and a carpet cleaner van. Chris and Mr. G make a quick copy of the letter, hop in Mr. G's car and head over to D's house. Who do they see outside when they pull up? D! She's outside paying the carpet cleaner. Chris and Mr. G jump out of the car and try to hand deliver this letter. D freaks out. She yells: "Oh God Dammit! Get away from me, get away from me!" and runs to the car and drives away. Mr. G managed to throw the letter in her car as she drove away, but she threw it out. Meanwhile, she's left the door to her house wide open. Chris picks up the letter and puts it in the house and closes it. The carpet cleaner apparently looked dumbfounded, but gave them his card in the off chance that D claims they were going to physically harm her.

So yeah, crazy doesn't even begin to describe it.

She's moved from her house, but I don't think the story about her dad being sick is true. I also don't think she was in San Diego at all, at least not since Thursday, March 7.

The seven families involved are pursuing criminal charges in addition to suing her for our money back, but I don't know if the Folsom PD is going to look into this. They almost certainly won't prosecute, but maybe that will be the prodding necessary to get our money back. I really hope they can nail R because she is a piece of work and clearly helped her mom plan all of this.

Finally, here are my observations:

1. It's exceedingly easy to find information on the Internet. Over the past week, I have dug up the addresses of D's two sisters, one who lives in Arizona and is related to M; the other who lives in San Diego. I've found the address where the San Diego sister works. I've also discovered that the Arizona sister has two children; one who has a court record in Arizona for traffic violations, the other who lives in Oregon and is a personal trainer. I've also found the dates of birth for both daughters. D won't be able to hide forever. There's just too much information out there.
2. Why did I not trust my gut? I had so many reservations with D. From the way she evaded questions to the way she treated clients whose children she decided she couldn't care for anymore. Also, any time I asked how Phoebe was doing, it was always "great." Sorry, but babies, even good babies, have bad days sometimes. I'm not going to be mad at someone who honestly tells me that the baby didn't nap or cried a lot or was generally fussy. I get it. Just be honest!
3. I wish I had talked to the parents before then about my concerns. I would have learned that they shared the same concerns. I didn't want to ruin other people's experiences, but what I've learned is that parents would much rather know about problems when it involves their kids then not.
4. It takes almost zero effort to call the county licensing office. They can give you information on the license, any complaints, and any violations uncovered during site visits.
5. It actually wasn't hard at all to find a new daycare for Phoebe. It just takes a little time and a lot of phone calls. She's now at a new place, and even though it's only been three days, I'm already feeling pretty good. The place she was at last week was okay - the lady was super nice, but the house was extremely cluttered and it just didn't seem right. Ms. S., where she now goes, is really sweet, has two middle school-aged children, and is a former teacher. She already wants to help Phoebe learn baby signs and learn to walk. She takes the kids to the park and to pick up some of the older kids.  
6. While I should be soured on in-home day cares (and believe me, I'm only a little bit nervous and stressed about this situation), I just don't think Phoebe is ready for a big daycare environment. That being said, if I find that Ms. S isn't working out, I will have no hesitation to send Phoebe to KinderCare.
7. My girls are out of that situation. I need to remind myself of this. Even if we never get that money back, D's actions have pretty much ensured that she will never be able to reopen a daycare in the State of California. Her caseworker has pretty much assured us of this.

If you've made it this far, thank you for reading. I know it's long, but I've lost sleep and my appetite over this whole affair, and I just needed to get it out there.